Life as it is

I really want to get married. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. But, who knows? Honestly, I am trying to be patient, but I don't know if this is patience or just pessimistic resignation to the way things are. Have I stopped trusting that God will do what His will determines? Am I merely pretending to trust while I sit here whispering to myself - "Just get used to being single, you'll never get married"?

I think maybe I am. How do I go back to trusting you, God? How do I leave this pessimistic attitude behind and embrace my life as you have set it before me? How do I wait patiently without giving into that whisper and believe that You have nothing for me?

I know that there is always that possibility that You will call me to be single for the rest of my life. Help me to trust You and know that Your will is perfect and is best for me even if it is not what I desire. If I am indeed meant to be single for the rest of my life, give me a heart that will reflect that. I want to glorify You in all that I do. If I am meant to be single for even a day longer, give me a heart that will glorify You. I have given lip service and have not given You the glory that You deserve.


Change my heart to reflect Your will. I want to want Your will for my life. I want to serve You and glorify You. But, I have forgotten how to. I need Your help for my life.

I believe You, Lord. Help my unbelief.

Humor

Oh the sense of humor that God has. I mentioned in my last post that I want something specific, but I have to be patient and wait. I am sure that even though I spoke in generalities, anyone reading it would have realized what I was talking about.

I am trying so hard to be patient...

And yet, here comes the parade - raining down the ticker tape, reminding me that I have to be patient. I am not single because God doesn't love me. I am single BECAUSE God loves me and has the best in plan.

My plans are not His. I want to wait for His.

And it doesn't seem like it will be too hard seeing as how all the guys around me are way-too-young undergrads. The undergrad part isn't as annoying as the whole age thing... Some of the freshman class this year were born the year I was in kindergarten and first grade.

Wow. I'm old.

:-)

Tempting

I am tempted to write what I really feel right now, but I stop myself. Why is that, you ask? I know that no one actually reads this blog - like two people even know that it exists. However, there is still that off-chance that someone will read this...I am not ready for that.

But what are the chances that anyone will read this? Slim to nil. And yet, still I wait.

But I will speak in generalities. I want something specific and yet I am open to the actual specifications. I pray and I wait - but nothing. And, then! I see something that catches my eye - on the surface it seems fine. But there are complications and I can't have it - or even think about wanting it. Why? What am I supposed to be learning here?

What am I supposed to do?

Wait. I wait. Patiently knowing that someday it will happen. Maybe not soon. But someday.

I need the patience that only you can give, Jesus.

Answered Prayer

So many things have been happening lately that I think are noteworthy, so let's see if I can be brief. This week is RAT week - RA training. We have a great group of students who are excited and passionate and I am blessed to be a part of their training. But, somebody must be praying for me. I am normally one giant stress ball at this point of the year, and now I feel calm - blissful even. I still have my moments of stressfulness (my nature hasn't changed that way), but I feel good.

I have been a Christian for a while now, but I still struggle with walking up to complete strangers and talking about Christ. Isn't it amazing to know that I am not responisble for someone else's salvation! Only God can save! And so, last night we took the RA's to the Ronald McDonald House to serve dinner to the families staying there. If you don't know, the Ronald McDonald House is an inexpensive place of residence for families with children in Children's Hospital (at least the one that we went to is). I was apprehensive because I knew we were going there but I wanted to serve these people by doing more than just making dinner. So I prayed. I praise God for the openings that He gave me! I praise God for working through my stumbling and working through my fear! I was able to talk with two different women - the conversation starters were some of the last things I would have ever thought of. Even as things faltered God still worked. Praise God that we serve a God who is bigger than our thoughts, bigger than our imagination, bigger than you or me! That we serve a God who is sovereign, mighty, powerful, just, holy, compassionate - a peace giver, hope-sustainer, life-maker, Saviour.

It was a beautiful night. And then, when we got to sharing time, what a praise session that became! One after another, the RA's just opened up and shared what God has been doing in their lives! What a glorious time that turned out to be - 13 adults praising God, reading Scripture, loving, learning, and growing together and in Christ!

Pray for:
Rhonda and Anyah - mom and 11 day old baby, health
Canyon McCall - 2 1/2 year old, open heart surgery and complications
unnamed nun - brain surgery, aneurisym, biological sister from Colorado lost luggage and credit cards etc. on flight, church unwilling to support because sister is utilizing her power of authority over nun and not relinquishing it to the church
Amanda - sister with leukemia and complications
My family as they go through a series of health complications - gall stones, broken wrist, heart attack


Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him all ye hevenly host. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Jericho

I wonder what the Israelites felt as they were walking around Jericho. I'm sure that everyone has seen the Veggie Tales dilemma where the Israelites felt foolish to think that walking round the wall will bring the city to its knees. The Jericho-ites even go so far to think they are dehydrated and delusional.

I've never really thought about that part. I've thought about the faith that it would take to walk round a city and believe that God would do as He said. But, God is faithful and powerful so that might not be as hard as we like to think.

Today, I thought about this story in a new way. Now, maybe I am being irrational and me-centered, focusing on the man aspect, but it brought a new truth to my eyes.

Today I decided to walk around Chesterfield Parkway. I was going to just go to the elliptical machine in the fitness center across the street, but when I got outside it felt so good that I decided to go for a walk instead. I had my backpack and a bottle of water so I thought I was set.

But I forgot about the power of the sun. As I set out it was warm, but not hot yet. That was quick to change. As I walked through the shade with my full water bottle my thoughts were selfish and commonplace. But as the sun got higher and the water lower, I started to question my sanity. But, I was strong - or so I thought. I dragged on for a bit more, relying on my own power.

But it wasn't enough. I couldn't make it on my own. And so I prayed for strength to make it home. And I thought about the Israelites walking through the desert around a city. And I thought about Pilgrim, in Pilgrim's Progress. And I thought about my walk - how I selfishly try to make it on my own but can't.

Even while continually praying, knowing that I can't do it on my own, I still selfishly tried to be self-reliant. I stopped praying and walked toward a shortcut. But it wasn't a shortcut - I had my streets backward. So I turned around and went back to the road I was supposed to be on. And I prayed. I was out of water.

I found shade to walk under. My strenght was renewed. My pains were gone. I walked on. Everything I did was with the thought "Home is ahead, only God can get me there."

My home is not here on earth. My home is in heaven with my Father. May this walk today, where I honestly felt that I was going to die, be a reminder to me to look to heaven where my Father is and remember, "Home is ahead, only God can get me there."

Question asked in "profile building"

While updating my profile, I decided to change my random question. I received this one, that I really liked. "Hurry! the children are waiting. Tell the story about the bald frog with a wig."

I love to tell stories, and so I did. However, upon saving, I realized that my story was 158 words too long!! Sad. So, I changed questions and decided to publish the story here.

One day, as I was walking through the forest, I stepped over what looked like a mossy green rock. To my suprise, it stood up and started talking to me! "I say, good fellow," it began, "would you like to join me for a spot of tea?" "Me?" I asked, confused by the fact that the rock was talking. I mean, I've heard of pet rocks, but this is ridiculous! I bent down and grabbed the rock so that I might see it better, but it wasn't a mossy rock! It was a frog with hair!! Everyone knows that frogs are bald so I decided to stay for tea to find the answer to the mysterious hair.

"Excuse me, sir," I said in my most polite voice, "I don't mean to be rude but I've never seen a frog with hair before. If you don't mind my asking, how did you get hair?" The frog looked furtively around the forest and said, "I don't want anyone else to hear, but if you really want to know, bend your ear down to me and I will whisper it to you." I did as he asked and laid down on the ground.

"It's not real hair," he whispered, "it's a wig!" As I gasped in shock I felt a sharp pain in my ear lobe - the frog had bit me! Frog teeth must contain sedatives, for I fell asleep where I lay!

When I woke up, the sun had set, taking the heat of the day with it. I groggily sat up and looked around me. The frog was nowhere to be seen. However, pinned to my shirt was a tiny piece of paper. It read, "Sorry, old chap. Didn't want to trick you, but I didn't think you'd give your hair willingily. Wigs have become the new fashion for frogs and yours was so long and beautiful - I couldn't resist. But don't worry, at least your's will grow back! Signed, Arminius J. Froggerton, mayor of Frogville."

I slowly reached my hand to my head, hoping that this was all a dream, but it wasn't! All my beautiful long hair had been chopped off by that conniving, treacherous frog!
I slowly trudged out of the forest - sad, cold, and thirsty.

Alright boys and girls, story time is over. Now its time for milk and cookies! Or in my case, scrambled eggs on toast.