Lazy childhood days

While today wasn't exactly a lazy day, it definitely made me reminisce.  First, I decided to stay home to finish grading New Testament papers and tests which means I got to wake up with the sunshine.  That was a BEAUTIFUL feeling!  Then I decided that I would do some laundry while grading...although I have to say that I HATE doing laundry.  I deal with it because I prefer clean clothes (don't we all) but I would much rather clean the bathroom than do laundry.  I know, I know, it sounds like I am getting off-track, but I promise, this fits the childhood theme.  I got home (my apartment doesn't have washer/dryer hook-ups - maybe this is why I hate doing laundry...) and realized that not all my clothes were dry.  So I got out my little dry rack and hung them outside.  I honestly can't remember I dried my clothes outside...I probably haven't done that since my grandparents moved when I was thirteen.

As exciting as sun-dried clothes are, that isn't even the best part.

As I was sitting on my living room floor grading papers I turned on the TV for some background noise.  I flipped through the guide fully expecting to find nothing of value on...but lo and behold!  Boomerang, that beautiful channel with old cartoons!  THE SNORKS WAS ON TV!  I loved that show when I was a kid.  I even had the Snorks puzzle which made me the cool kid on the block.

To cap the whole day off, I snacked on a No-sugar Added Fudgesicle after I finished all the grading.

What a WONDERFUL DAY!

Ode to Spring...2003

Sarah, Since you liked my last poem I thought I would post another oldie. This was written in Spring of 2003 during a class break for my Missions and Mercy Night Class. I had a friend (who is now married) that had recently been hurt by mixed signals from a guy. This is my "Ode to Spring".

Ouch! He pulled my hair!
And then he pushed me down the stairs!
In the third grade,
All the valentines made,
Are flushed, because boys have cooties!

A note! By a boy it was wrote!
Passed in front of the teacher, he gloats!
Seventh grade is the best,
Check no or check yes,
Um…can I pick maybe?

The prom! My stomach plummets like a bomb!
Do you think? Will he ask me, Mom?
Senior year is here,
Guys, get yourselves in gear,
What happened to your confidence?

Games! Games are so lame!
Played by the mind, we’re both to blame.
We’re in college dear,
Wait! It’s university here,
Missouri Baptist Bridal Society.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, we’re always in a hurry!
Rush through life, be a wife, all the time we worry!

Wait! Where will we find our mate?
Who am I going to date?
Look to God now,
He planned the who and the how,
In Him I trust.

Marie Tudor 2003

Down memory lane

As I was cleaning my apartment the other night, I found an old journal of mine.  My version of a journal has nothing to do with "Dear Diary, today so-an-so-touched my arm and it made me swoon..."  Rather, I LOVE creative writing!  So what I do is take things that are going on in my life and fictionalize them.  And then I change it to occur the way that I want it to.

My only problem is that I never finish what I start.  I get these great ideas and then write a couple of pages (several are 20 pages or longer), hit a snag (both in the fiction and in real life), and quit writing.  Then I go on to other stories or even poems.  I've even been known to get into "limerick wars" with friends (like Kinsey and Clayton).

As I looked through this old journal from somewhere in 2002 or 03, I ran into a small poem I wrote.  I thought I would post it here.  Please forgive the punctuation!  I would call it artistic license but I think it was just laziness.

My life goes on, a turning page;

I am a creation on this stage.

The world is watching, they stand and stare,

Why am I not moving?  Do I not care?

Are they not dying, lost in their sin?

Are they not trying to find answers within?

To themselves they look, turning the inside to out,

"How I feel is reality, it's what this life's all about.

You're way for you and my way for me.

No man can say what right and wrong be."

Inside I rage, "How can they think that?! 

I've been where they've been.  I've sat where they've sat!

I've felt that gnawing inside - 

That need for a guide!"

"Christ is my comforter, Father, and friend.

Through His good Word I know how it ends.

I am a sinner, you are one too,

We're descended from sinners, not come up from the goo.

Only one man can save us from death for this sin,

Only one man can knock, "Let Me come in.

Your burden is heavy.  My yoke is light.

Step into My hand and out of the night."

"He is the Savior, I plead and I cry."

Why do they run around, wanting to die?

I stand on this stage, afraid and alone,

Away from the place I once called my home.

I watch and I stare, quiet and free, 

While men fall in their prison, but I know the Key.

Cemetery full, mayor tells locals not to die

Cemetery full, mayor tells locals not to die

BORDEAUX, France (Reuters) - The mayor of a village in southwest France has threatened residents with severe punishment if they die, because there is no room left in the overcrowded cemetery to bury them.
In an ordinance posted in the council offices, Mayor Gerard Lalanne told the 260 residents of the village of Sarpourenx that "all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish."
It added: "Offenders will be severely punished."
The mayor said he was forced to take drastic action after an administrative court in the nearby town of Pau ruled in January that the acquisition of adjoining private land to extend the cemetery would not be justified.
Lalanne, who celebrated his 70th birthday on Wednesday and is standing for election to a seventh term in this month's local elections, said he was sorry that there had not been a positive outcome to the dilemma.
"It may be a laughing matter for some, but not for me," he said.
(Reporting by Claude Canellas, Writing by Andrew Dobbie; editing by Sami Aboudi)

Oh Happy Day!

Let me just start out by saying that I am not a pet person. I am allergic to most things with fur and I really don't enjoy spending most of my life medicated or sneezing. I am also NOT AT ALL ready to have children and having a pet is very much like having kids. You feed them, you potty-train them, you play with them, etc. You are responsible for a high-maintenance creature that is not yourself. Someday I would like to do that, but not today.

But, I can have fish. Fish are low-key; you don't have to play with them (although teaching them to spin in circles is entertaining), you don't have to potty train them (though sometimes I wish I could), feeding requires a quick shake of a canister - this is the good life!

At my old apartment I had several fish, two of which were red swordtails. Little did I know, in my desire to get one with an actual swordtail and one with out, I got a male and a female fish. They did what all heterosexual fish do and several weeks later I had a VERY pregnant fish. Did you know that both male and female swordtails eat their babies? I found that out after I called the PetSmart hotline (yes, they have a 24-hour hotline). Well, I didn't have anything to seperate out the young, so I (sadly) had to let mom and dad eat the kids.

But that isn't the end of the story! Actually, it really isn't the beginning either, it's kind of backstory for what I was going to say about tomorrow, but I like this story too! :-)

Several weeks later I saw this small blob dart across the fish tank...a baby fish had survived! So, of course I called her Nemo, the Little Fish who Could. It was a happy day. But, Nemo died before I could move to my new apartment.

Yes, I got new fish. They are my companions, my friends, my confidants...er...no. I just like to watch them swim. It's kind of a stress reliever.

Enter Flapjack, Tonto, Thing 1 and Thing 2. F and T are silverdollar fish and T1 and T2 are red fish. I had another, an upsidedown catfish, but he disappeared before I could name him. Maybe I should have called him Houdini! I looked all throughout that tank (and even around it in case he jumped out somehow) but I could never find him. Hmm....maybe he got sucked into the filter. Yuck.

Now, here's the story. Two days ago, I had to unplug the filter for something but I couldn't get it to work again after I plugged it back in. This was saddening, but it was late so I decided to leave it until I had time to research it and fix it (google works wonders). Last night, I was sitting in my chair, reading a text message on my phone when something darted through the fish tank catching my eye. I looked up, and lo and behold, there were 5 fish in the tank! Houdini is back! There he was swimming away as if he had merely been on vacation!

Matthew, Peter, and Saul (to name a few) got new names. Now Houdini does too. I shall call him Lazarus. Or Jesus (Hey-zoos, not Gee-zus). This is a happy day!

Amusement and the Stalker Wall

Wanna hear a funny story? Too bad. I'm going to tell you anyway.

So, I think it is really funny that at least three-fourths of my previous posts are about marriage because this story is about my "relationship status."

On facebook there is a page I lovingly refer to as the "stalker wall." In reality it is the homepage which shows you what your friends have been up to on their own personal facebook accounts. It is amazing how much the need for gossip has decreased since the advent of the stalker wall. I digress.

Monday night I decided to purge somethings from my personal account. I set this up over two years ago and some things have changed. Some have. Some haven't. But I decided to get rid of them anyway. One thing I purged was my relationship status. Originally it said -

Relationship Status: Single

I decided to make it say -



That's right. Nothing. I took it off. I don't need to announce to the world that I am single. Although, in hindsight, that is exactly what I did.

I forgot about the stalker wall.

Marie is no longer listed as single.

That is what showed up on the facebook homepage of MANY people. And when I say many I am not exaggerating. My inbox filled; my wall filled; people stopped me in the halls; in the cafe; in the bathroom for goodness sake! People talked to my co-workers. WHO'S THE LUCKY GUY? they want to know.

No one.

I am still single. :-) Although, I must say that being unavailable apparently really does make you more attractive. There are several students here who are "pursuing" me...pretending to want to marry me when in reality it is just a fun game. But when they thought I was really dating someone they decided to step up the game. Interesting.

I have decided that someday I am going to write a paper on the use of social networks, such as facebook, as a means to be involved in others lives. I mean people were INVOLVED in my life yesterday.

The moral of the story? Never forget the stalker wall and the power of gossip. :-)

Life as it is

I really want to get married. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. But, who knows? Honestly, I am trying to be patient, but I don't know if this is patience or just pessimistic resignation to the way things are. Have I stopped trusting that God will do what His will determines? Am I merely pretending to trust while I sit here whispering to myself - "Just get used to being single, you'll never get married"?

I think maybe I am. How do I go back to trusting you, God? How do I leave this pessimistic attitude behind and embrace my life as you have set it before me? How do I wait patiently without giving into that whisper and believe that You have nothing for me?

I know that there is always that possibility that You will call me to be single for the rest of my life. Help me to trust You and know that Your will is perfect and is best for me even if it is not what I desire. If I am indeed meant to be single for the rest of my life, give me a heart that will reflect that. I want to glorify You in all that I do. If I am meant to be single for even a day longer, give me a heart that will glorify You. I have given lip service and have not given You the glory that You deserve.


Change my heart to reflect Your will. I want to want Your will for my life. I want to serve You and glorify You. But, I have forgotten how to. I need Your help for my life.

I believe You, Lord. Help my unbelief.

Humor

Oh the sense of humor that God has. I mentioned in my last post that I want something specific, but I have to be patient and wait. I am sure that even though I spoke in generalities, anyone reading it would have realized what I was talking about.

I am trying so hard to be patient...

And yet, here comes the parade - raining down the ticker tape, reminding me that I have to be patient. I am not single because God doesn't love me. I am single BECAUSE God loves me and has the best in plan.

My plans are not His. I want to wait for His.

And it doesn't seem like it will be too hard seeing as how all the guys around me are way-too-young undergrads. The undergrad part isn't as annoying as the whole age thing... Some of the freshman class this year were born the year I was in kindergarten and first grade.

Wow. I'm old.

:-)

Tempting

I am tempted to write what I really feel right now, but I stop myself. Why is that, you ask? I know that no one actually reads this blog - like two people even know that it exists. However, there is still that off-chance that someone will read this...I am not ready for that.

But what are the chances that anyone will read this? Slim to nil. And yet, still I wait.

But I will speak in generalities. I want something specific and yet I am open to the actual specifications. I pray and I wait - but nothing. And, then! I see something that catches my eye - on the surface it seems fine. But there are complications and I can't have it - or even think about wanting it. Why? What am I supposed to be learning here?

What am I supposed to do?

Wait. I wait. Patiently knowing that someday it will happen. Maybe not soon. But someday.

I need the patience that only you can give, Jesus.

Answered Prayer

So many things have been happening lately that I think are noteworthy, so let's see if I can be brief. This week is RAT week - RA training. We have a great group of students who are excited and passionate and I am blessed to be a part of their training. But, somebody must be praying for me. I am normally one giant stress ball at this point of the year, and now I feel calm - blissful even. I still have my moments of stressfulness (my nature hasn't changed that way), but I feel good.

I have been a Christian for a while now, but I still struggle with walking up to complete strangers and talking about Christ. Isn't it amazing to know that I am not responisble for someone else's salvation! Only God can save! And so, last night we took the RA's to the Ronald McDonald House to serve dinner to the families staying there. If you don't know, the Ronald McDonald House is an inexpensive place of residence for families with children in Children's Hospital (at least the one that we went to is). I was apprehensive because I knew we were going there but I wanted to serve these people by doing more than just making dinner. So I prayed. I praise God for the openings that He gave me! I praise God for working through my stumbling and working through my fear! I was able to talk with two different women - the conversation starters were some of the last things I would have ever thought of. Even as things faltered God still worked. Praise God that we serve a God who is bigger than our thoughts, bigger than our imagination, bigger than you or me! That we serve a God who is sovereign, mighty, powerful, just, holy, compassionate - a peace giver, hope-sustainer, life-maker, Saviour.

It was a beautiful night. And then, when we got to sharing time, what a praise session that became! One after another, the RA's just opened up and shared what God has been doing in their lives! What a glorious time that turned out to be - 13 adults praising God, reading Scripture, loving, learning, and growing together and in Christ!

Pray for:
Rhonda and Anyah - mom and 11 day old baby, health
Canyon McCall - 2 1/2 year old, open heart surgery and complications
unnamed nun - brain surgery, aneurisym, biological sister from Colorado lost luggage and credit cards etc. on flight, church unwilling to support because sister is utilizing her power of authority over nun and not relinquishing it to the church
Amanda - sister with leukemia and complications
My family as they go through a series of health complications - gall stones, broken wrist, heart attack


Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him all ye hevenly host. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Jericho

I wonder what the Israelites felt as they were walking around Jericho. I'm sure that everyone has seen the Veggie Tales dilemma where the Israelites felt foolish to think that walking round the wall will bring the city to its knees. The Jericho-ites even go so far to think they are dehydrated and delusional.

I've never really thought about that part. I've thought about the faith that it would take to walk round a city and believe that God would do as He said. But, God is faithful and powerful so that might not be as hard as we like to think.

Today, I thought about this story in a new way. Now, maybe I am being irrational and me-centered, focusing on the man aspect, but it brought a new truth to my eyes.

Today I decided to walk around Chesterfield Parkway. I was going to just go to the elliptical machine in the fitness center across the street, but when I got outside it felt so good that I decided to go for a walk instead. I had my backpack and a bottle of water so I thought I was set.

But I forgot about the power of the sun. As I set out it was warm, but not hot yet. That was quick to change. As I walked through the shade with my full water bottle my thoughts were selfish and commonplace. But as the sun got higher and the water lower, I started to question my sanity. But, I was strong - or so I thought. I dragged on for a bit more, relying on my own power.

But it wasn't enough. I couldn't make it on my own. And so I prayed for strength to make it home. And I thought about the Israelites walking through the desert around a city. And I thought about Pilgrim, in Pilgrim's Progress. And I thought about my walk - how I selfishly try to make it on my own but can't.

Even while continually praying, knowing that I can't do it on my own, I still selfishly tried to be self-reliant. I stopped praying and walked toward a shortcut. But it wasn't a shortcut - I had my streets backward. So I turned around and went back to the road I was supposed to be on. And I prayed. I was out of water.

I found shade to walk under. My strenght was renewed. My pains were gone. I walked on. Everything I did was with the thought "Home is ahead, only God can get me there."

My home is not here on earth. My home is in heaven with my Father. May this walk today, where I honestly felt that I was going to die, be a reminder to me to look to heaven where my Father is and remember, "Home is ahead, only God can get me there."

Question asked in "profile building"

While updating my profile, I decided to change my random question. I received this one, that I really liked. "Hurry! the children are waiting. Tell the story about the bald frog with a wig."

I love to tell stories, and so I did. However, upon saving, I realized that my story was 158 words too long!! Sad. So, I changed questions and decided to publish the story here.

One day, as I was walking through the forest, I stepped over what looked like a mossy green rock. To my suprise, it stood up and started talking to me! "I say, good fellow," it began, "would you like to join me for a spot of tea?" "Me?" I asked, confused by the fact that the rock was talking. I mean, I've heard of pet rocks, but this is ridiculous! I bent down and grabbed the rock so that I might see it better, but it wasn't a mossy rock! It was a frog with hair!! Everyone knows that frogs are bald so I decided to stay for tea to find the answer to the mysterious hair.

"Excuse me, sir," I said in my most polite voice, "I don't mean to be rude but I've never seen a frog with hair before. If you don't mind my asking, how did you get hair?" The frog looked furtively around the forest and said, "I don't want anyone else to hear, but if you really want to know, bend your ear down to me and I will whisper it to you." I did as he asked and laid down on the ground.

"It's not real hair," he whispered, "it's a wig!" As I gasped in shock I felt a sharp pain in my ear lobe - the frog had bit me! Frog teeth must contain sedatives, for I fell asleep where I lay!

When I woke up, the sun had set, taking the heat of the day with it. I groggily sat up and looked around me. The frog was nowhere to be seen. However, pinned to my shirt was a tiny piece of paper. It read, "Sorry, old chap. Didn't want to trick you, but I didn't think you'd give your hair willingily. Wigs have become the new fashion for frogs and yours was so long and beautiful - I couldn't resist. But don't worry, at least your's will grow back! Signed, Arminius J. Froggerton, mayor of Frogville."

I slowly reached my hand to my head, hoping that this was all a dream, but it wasn't! All my beautiful long hair had been chopped off by that conniving, treacherous frog!
I slowly trudged out of the forest - sad, cold, and thirsty.

Alright boys and girls, story time is over. Now its time for milk and cookies! Or in my case, scrambled eggs on toast.

Conflict

Have you ever wanted something to happen so badly and then as soon as you find out that it is going to, you freak out and really don't want it to happen? Have you ever been so frustrated with the satus quo that you vented about it every time you spoke, but then as soon as the status quo was threatened you freaked out and wanted nothing else? even if you were uncomfortable with the status quo and it really really really aggravated you?

I feel like such the "typical girl" and yet I don't. I want this to happen and yet I don't. I have to have "the talk" with one of my friends - I don't really care for the DTR. Define the relationship - I feel like we are about to commit friendship suicide. And yet I know that this will be the best thing for both of us. However now that I know he is going to step up and be a man and initiate this stupid conversation, I don't have to really worry about the fact that I really wanted to start this stupid conversation. I wanted to, incorrectly, be the pusher. It is not in my nature to sit back and be patient. It seems hazardous for my health and yet from Scripture I know that I have to wait. I have to be the female. I am the female. But I really really really like being the aggressive one. Wait. No I don't. I actually enjoy being pursued. What I don't like is having someone else set the pace. Someone else set the schedule. And all that without discussing anything with me.

And so another friend has stepped up to be good to me. He has approached the guy and told him to deal with it and come talk to me. I am happy with my friend for doing that but...now I have to deal with this situation. I can't just keep pretending that nothing is wrong even when everyone else can see that there is. And this is affecting everyone else. Why did he have to be convinced that he needed to come talk to me? Why was he willing to leave everything the way that it is? Is he afraid of changing the status quo? Is he comfortable with the awkwardness? No - he just ignores me. I HATE HATE HATE BEING IGNORED. That makes me want to push the situation even more. That makes me want to search him out and nail this down. I like closure. I like neatness. I like details. I like being in charge.

The funny thing is that he is wrong. He thinks that what is going on is one thing when in reality it is the exact opposite. That isn't his fault and yet it isn't mine. Although I can honestly say that my actions have not changed one jot or tittle since we met. It is he who has changed. He is the awkward one. My actions have not changed even when my feelings did. Sure I had bad days. WE ALL DO. Maybe those days were tied to my emotions, but what can I say? I AM A GIRL. Deal with it.

--

I have become what I hate. Maybe I should say it in a different way - I am what I hate. Why is it that I can give great lip service to what I should be and what it is that I want to be and what I think that everyone else should be and what everyone else should do but when it actually comes to doing those things I am not so excited? I feared that I would do this. They call me wise. I know that I am not wise. They look to me for wisdom. Here's your wisdom - I AM NOT WISE! Don't look to me for these things. I fail. Look to the Scriptures - that is true wisdom! But, they hear me say that and they call me wise. How is that wise? Yes, I know that I am pointing them in the right direction but ANYONE can do that! What are the Sunday School answers? God, Jesus and Bible. Pray and have a quiet time! That is not wisdom, they are cop-out answers. Sure they are the right anwers some times - but where is their depth? Where is their fullness?And yet they still come. They call me wise but I am not wise.

They trust me. They. Trust. Me.

WHY??

I am not worthy of trust. I am not worthy of confidence. I am a sinner who only by the grace of God does what is right . Left on my own, what would I choose? Look at the different "put off" passages in Scripture - that is what I would choose on my own. I put off what I am supposed to put on and put on what I am supposed to put off. I would in no sense choose God if left to myself! Praise God that He does not leave me to myself!

What have I ever done that has proved me worthy of trust? Why would they trust me without proof? I don't want to call them stupid...but I don't get it!

I almost let down my wall and trusted someone more than I have trusted anyone in a long time. Boy, am I glad that I did not! Maybe I am being rash and cynical but...looking at that person now - he doesn't want that, he wants a superficial relationship with tendencies of real.

No. That isn't fair to him. He does want a real relationship - a friendship, but I don't think he knows how to go about achieving it. I don't want superficial relationships. I don't want silly platitudes and "how's the weather?" I don't want what we have. I don't want stupid. We used to talk. I mean TALK. We discussed theology and minsitry and life and....and....and... Now don't get me wrong, our relationship was not entirely serious. We have a our stupid moments. We have little jokes and funny things. Wait. Strike that. We had our stupid moments, we had little jokes and we had funny things. Now we have arguments and pouting and silence. Now we have name calling and stubborness. By no means will I lay that all at his feet, I am just as guilty. BUT I HATE IT. I want my old friend back.

There is so much more that I want to say. But I have to go. My other friends are fighting.

In case you were wondering - I am not in high school. I am in graduate school. Isn't that sad?

Long time no see...

Sadly, I left my true desire of posting here where things are "prettier" and went to xanga where my friends are...

But that is no longer an issue. I want to be able to write things that my friends don't see. Not that I am embarassed or ashamed of what I have to say, it is just that I want to be able to say things without anyone I know seeing it...

Does that make sense? I guess it really doesn't matter if it makes sense, because no one is going to see this...I haven't written here in over a year so no one knows this exists....

*sigh*

I would write more now, but it is 80 degrees in my office and I am ready to go home...jury duty in the morning...

--me

Propencity for Eccentricity

This is the part where I am supposed to say something awesome and profound; something that will amaze and astonish everyone who stops by to read my thoughts.

Right. Nice try!

I have had this blogspot for several months and yet I have never written anything. "Why is that," you ask? Well, I too was waitng for that profound moment. I thought that I could never write anything simple and without meaning and actually publish it. I mean, yuck. Who would want to read that?

Finally, I realized that it doesn't matter. I am not writing for a grade. I am writing for me, and I can write whatever I want.

So, here is where we get into the randomness of me. I still don't really know what I want to write, but that's okay. I'll write whatever comes to mind.

Scary thought, isn't it? Me, writing whatever comes to mind...*shudder* No, I promise, it won't be any worse than actually having a conversation with me! *smirk*

If you are reading this, then you already know of my propencity for eccentricity. (In other words, my tendency to be weird, but it sounds so much cooler the other way!) I may sound normal right now (and that is always up for debate), but who knows what tomorrow will bring!

But here is what I think is really fun...I want you to write too!! I want you to show me the eccentricity that I know you have!

And then I want you to answer these questions:
1. In you could have one super power, what would it be?
2. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when "you grew up"?
3. What is your favorite big word?
4. What is your favorite cartoon?
5. Do you know the name of my car?
6. What is your car's name?

And finally, last but not least,

7. In 20 words or less, describe who you are. (Tee hee hee *giggling*)

These may not be "wild and crazy times, but let's have fun anyway!