The Randomness of Me

2011-01-18T15:55:00.000-06:00

2011-01-18T14:46:00.001-06:00

a href="http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2999949/Gospel_of_John"            title="Wordle: Gospel of John">

Do Not Be Anxious - Matthew 6:25-34

2009-03-20T14:38:00.001-05:00

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Repetition does not an argument make

2009-03-18T14:44:00.002-05:00

So I was reading a book recently (big shocker there, I know) and the author seemed to think that if he repeated the same thing over and over (and over and over and over) again he would convince me that he spoke the truth.

I'm sorry, but a faulty argument repeated many times is still an faulty argument; repeating it simply makes it a SERIOUSLY ANNOYING faulty argument. You just want to swat it like a nasty hovering buzzing bee.

Tchotchke Thursday, Part Three

2009-02-26T10:04:00.002-06:00

So lots of people are posting this list on facebook, but I'm not a big "chain note" fan....so I decided to post it here. You can respond if you want. :)

According to Matthew Olson, apparently the BBC reckons most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here...

Instructions:
Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen - X
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien - X (I have only read one and a half of the three books)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte - X
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling - X (All seven!)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee- X
6 The Bible - X
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte - X
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell - X
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman - X (Only the first book - The Golden Compass)
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens - X
Running Total: 10

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott - X
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy - X
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller-
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare - X (umm....I've not read them ALL...but I have read many of them!)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier - X
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien - X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks -
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger- X
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger - X
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot - X
Running total: 18

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell - X
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald — X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens -
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy - X
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams- X
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh -
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky -
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck - X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll — X
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame -
Running total: 24

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy - X
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens - x
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis - X (All seven)
34 Emma - Jane Austen - x
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen - x
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis - X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini-
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden-
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne - X
Running total: 31

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell- X
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown - X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving -
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins -
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery - X
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy -
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood -
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding — X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
Running total: 35

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel -
52 Dune - Frank Herbert -
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen - x
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth -
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens - x
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley - X
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon -
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Running total: 38

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck -X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov -
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt -
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold - X
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas - X
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac -
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy -
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding - X
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie -
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville - x
Running total: 43

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens - x
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker - X
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett - x
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce- X
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath -
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray - x
80 Possession - AS Byatt -
Running total: 48

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker — X
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro -
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert - X
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White - X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle — x
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
Running total: 53

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad -
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery -
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams - x (At least...I tried to read this! )
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas - X
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare - X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl - X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo - X

Total: 58

I guess that is more than 6!

Looking for Love...In all the Wrong Places

2009-02-11T12:29:00.003-06:00

This weekend brings another Valentine's Day. A day which tends to bring about many emotions from all sorts of people. In a tribute to Valentine's Day, several people at MBU have started to blog/video-blog about this one question: What is LOVE?

What is love? I find it interesting that so many people have differing opinions about what love is. I wonder if that is because we overuse the word love or if it is because love really does have many facets. Is there a difference between loving coffee, loving a friend, loving your job, loving a "significant other" and loving God? How does one word convey all of that?

LOVE (According to the Random House Dictionary)

/lʌv/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [luhv] Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, loved, lov⋅ing.
–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20. to have sexual intercourse with.
–verb (used without object)
21. to have love or affection for another person; be in love.—Verb phrase
22. love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets.
—Idioms
23. for love,
a. out of affection or liking; for pleasure.
b. without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.
24. for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.
25. in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.
26. in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.
27. make love,
a. to embrace and kiss as lovers.
b. to engage in sexual activity.
28. no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers.

I wonder how many of these definitions made it into the "What is Love?" videos? I'm not a big fan of video cameras, so I declined answering the question, but here, behind the safety of cyberspace, is my answer.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’"
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
And to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one's neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.”
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
The Father loves the Son and has given all things into his hand.
For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. And greater works than these will he show him, so that you may marvel.
For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again.
Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments
Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”
You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
for the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God
To all those in Rome who are loved by God and called to be saints: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us
but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[1] for those who are called according to his purpose.
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor
Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
If anyone has no love for the Lord, let him be accursed. Our Lord, come!
For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died;
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love.
For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control
and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,
And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment,
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy,
complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.
that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ,
And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another,
But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation.
May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ
The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.
You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions.”
For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”
Let brotherly love continue.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory,
Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart,
Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him[1] there is no cause for stumbling.
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.
For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.
We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death.
By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
We love because he first loved us.
If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot[1] love God whom he has not seen.
And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him.
By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments.
For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.
Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

(All Scripture referenced from the ESV)

May mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you,
Marie

Observations

2008-09-16T23:50:00.001-05:00

This is an old observation that I have been reminded of several times this week -

Relationships with people are messy.

Enough said.

Tchotchke Thursday, Take Two

2008-08-28T22:15:00.002-05:00

I'm tired...so what could be a more appropriate topic to discuss than sleep for this Tchotchke Thursday? Here is a list - no I didn't create it, I found it at http://listverse.com/science/top-20-facts-about-sleep/ - of 20 interesting sleep facts.

**Interesting fact about me - When I am seriously stressed out fact two becomes true for me...even if it isn't a cat nap. Just ask my old roommate Bri. Boy, was she freaked out when she figured out what was going on!**

"The science of sleep is a modern one - in fact most scientific information on sleep has been gained in the last 25 years. This is a list of 20 very interesting facts about sleep.

1. The record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes during a rocking chair marathon. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses.
2. It’s impossible to tell if someone is really awake without close medical supervision. People can take cat naps with their eyes open without even being aware of it.
3. Anything less than five minutes to fall asleep at night means you’re sleep deprived. The ideal is between 10 and 15 minutes, meaning you’re still tired enough to sleep deeply, but not so exhausted you feel sleepy by day.
4. Dreams, once thought to occur only during REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, also occur (but to a lesser extent) in non-REM sleep phases. It’s possible there may not be a single moment of our sleep when we are actually dreamless.
5. REM dreams are characterised by bizarre plots, but non-REM dreams are repetitive and thought-like, with little imagery - obsessively returning to a suspicion you left your mobile phone somewhere, for example.
6. Certain types of eye movements during REM sleep correspond to specific movements in dreams, suggesting at least part of the dreaming process is analagous to watching a film
7. Elephants sleep standing up during non-REM sleep, but lie down for REM sleep.
8. Some scientists believe we dream to fix experiences in long-term memory, that is, we dream about things worth remembering. Others think we dream about things worth forgetting - to eliminate overlapping memories that would otherwise clog up our brains.
9. Dreams may not serve any purpose at all but be merely a meaningless byproduct of two evolutionary adaptations - sleep and consciousness.
10. Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can reset the brain’s sleep-wake clock.
11. British Ministry of Defence researchers have been able to reset soldiers’ body clocks so they can go without sleep for up to 36 hrs. Tiny optical fibres embedded in special spectacles project a ring of bright white light (with a spectrum identical to a sunrise) around the edge of soldiers’ retinas, fooling them into thinking they have just woken up. The system was first used on US pilots during the bombing of Kosovo.
12. The 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill off Alaska, the Challenger space shuttle disaster and the Chernobyl nuclear accident have all been attributed to human errors in which sleep-deprivation played a role.
13. The “natural alarm clock” which enables some people to wake up more or less when they want to is caused by a burst of the stress hormone adrenocorticotropin. Researchers say this reflects an unconscious anticipation of the stress of waking up.
14. Tiny luminous rays from a digital alarm clock can be enough to disrupt the sleep cycle even if you do not fully wake. The light turns off a “neural switch” in the brain, causing levels of a key sleep chemical to decline within minutes.
15. Humans sleep on average around three hours less than other primates like chimps, rhesus monkeys, squirrel monkeys and baboons, all of whom sleep for 10 hours.
16. Ducks at risk of attack by predators are able to balance the need for sleep and survival, keeping one half of the brain awake while the other slips into sleep mode.
17. Diaries from the pre-electric-light-globe Victorian era show adults slept nine to 10 hours a night with periods of rest changing with the seasons in line with sunrise and sunsets.
18. Most of what we know about sleep we’ve learned in the past 25 years.
19. The extra-hour of sleep received when clocks are put back at the start of daylight in Canada has been found to coincide with a fall in the number of road accidents.
20. Experts say one of the most alluring sleep distractions is the 24-hour accessibility of the internet."

Hope you enjoyed! Good night!

Comfort vs. Style

2008-08-23T09:44:00.002-05:00

Why oh why did I choose style yesterday? Ask anyone, my first choice for shoes are typically boring little flats...and yet yesterday I wore peep-toe heels! Now, don't get me wrong - they are beautiful shoes and they made me taller (always a plus)...but boy am I paying for it today!

My poor toes! :-(

Tchotchke Thursdays

2008-08-21T22:38:00.003-05:00

tchotchke
noun
1. (Yiddish) an attractive, unconventional woman [syn: chachka]
2. (Yiddish) an inexpensive showy trinket [syn: chachka]
WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University.

In an effort to be more intentional about blogging (as requested by Sarah) I have decided to jump on the bandwagon of "Special Day" postings once a week. Tchotchke Thursdays will give you a glimpse into the inner workings of an unconventional woman...but if you call me cheap, I may just have to give you a good ol' conventional kick in the pants! ;-)

Tchotchke Thursdays will give you inexpensive (read: free) but valuable (at least to me) random knowledge. Several of you might be holding your breath right now because you are the wonderful recipients of my random knowledge every day...but no worries! I won't hold back on the everyday trivia just so I have something to write about here! You will just get to be doubly blessed! (Or triply, or quadrupally, etc...you get the picture).

Today, in an effort to get to know new people, and people I have known for awhile, I started a new game of "20 questions, my way" which involves me asking questions and you answering. Sometimes the question is serious...sometimes not. As we got into a discussion of love and marriage (what good would it be to work at a small Christian school and not talk about these two topics?) the idea of arranged marriages came up.

One student said, yes, absolutely. The other, absolutely not.

And then I wondered, What do other people think? So I did what I always do when I need a quick answer...I googled it!

And I have found a solution for the student who said no. Her concern was that you can't force love and you don't choose what your heart will want. How will you know if he is the one if you didn't choose him? But, never fear! I have found the scientifically proven way to determine if he is really the one for you, girls!

The "What are my chances the marriage will last" equation! Finally, a mathematical way to set my heart at ease! (http://politicalcalculations.blogspot.com/2007/02/what-are-chances-your-marriage-will.html) No more will I have to worry if he is really the one for me!

Sarah and Alicia - this one was for you! But now, I need sleep. :-)

Calling Mr. Marie

2008-06-23T12:29:00.003-05:00

So yesterday (Sunday) was an interesting day. If anyone ever tries to tell you that little choices that seem inconsequential don't matter, DON'T LISTEN!

DECISION 1: Saturday night another member of the nursery team at FBC St. Peters called me to ask about switching weeks with me. I was fine with that as I am going to be out of town on my week also.
SETBACK 1: However, when I arrived at the nursery yesterday morning the couple I was supposed to switch with had worked everything out and didn't want to switch anymore.
CONSOLATION 1: Since I wouldn't be in the nursery, that means I would get to hear the sermon. Granted, in my hurry to get out the door yesterday with all my VBS supplies, I forgot my Bible. That's okay; that is what pew bibles are for, right?

DECISION 2: This summer has been kind of hectic for me on weekends and I have missed choir a couple of times. So I decided to skip practice Wednesday night to prepare for vacation this week.
SETBACK 2: Because I missed practice this week, I decided not to sing with the choir yesterday. This means that I was sitting front-and-center in the second row for the sermon rather than out of the preacher's line of sight in the third or fourth row as I would have been had I sang with the choir and joined the congregation when we were finished.
CONSOLATION 2: I am a "tried and true" second row "this is my seat" Baptist. Since I skipped choir I got to sit in "my" seat and I had direct eye contact with the preacher.

DECISION 3: Many moons ago I decided to become a religion major and focus on Biblical Languages.
SETBACK 3: Because this is a small program, there are few professors available.
CONSOLATION 3: Because this is a small program, there are few professors available and I was give the opportunity to get to know my professors well and they me. I thought nothing of it when I started going to the same church as several of my professors except that this would be an awesome way to get to know those Christian brothers who have fought the fight longer and better than me.

DECISION 4: For ten years of amazing service, the congregation of FBC St. Peters decided to award the pastor a sabbatical with which he chose to work toward a doctoral degree.
SETBACK 4: To earn a degree at Southern Seminary, you have to do so many "residency hours" several of which my pastor chose to take this week which means that we would need someone to fill the pulpit.
CONSOLATION 4: Dr. McClain was available to serve in that role. Lucky me, he is one of the religion faculty I have gotten to know (his daughter and I were also good friends during our undergrad work).

DECISION 5: After stepping out of the "femi-Nazi" fight and joining the Conservative Christian right, I no longer pursue guys for relationships.
SETBACK 5: I will be turning 26 this week and I am still single. I am in no way complaining, I am just showing how my decision affects me.
CONSOLATION 5: I can now see how the Lord protected me from myself and the bad decisions I would have made if left on my own. I know now that I am following the Lord's will by following my role that He has set before me.

Now I have set you up for my interesting day. Here I am, in the second row, right in Doc's line of sight. He is preaching an awesomely thought-provoking, soul-stirring, heart-convicting sermon where at the end he reminds us that we cannot do this alone. Nor, he says, is he only talking to himself although all of his illustrations were about his failures and the Lord's graces. He is, he says during the sermon, talking about Jerry (music pastor) and his wife and their kids, and Marie (that's me, right there in his line of sight) and her...future husband wherever he is...and their...future kids whoever they are, and Billy, and Jamie and his wife and kids, etc, etc, so on and so forth as he points to different members of the congregation which is his pastoral perogative!

HE JUST ANNOUNCED TO THE ENTIRE CHURCH THAT I AM SINGLE.
(One of the few remaining as we are a dying breed.)

Granted, those who know me should already know this. But it was still embarassing. Then it gets better. I go back to give him a hug after the sermon and tell him that I still love him as my Christian brother even though he just embarassed me in front of the entire church and his response is "Just be glad I didn't say you were single WITH kids." Then he smirked and all was well again. I could deal with the ribbing I was going to get (and did get) from the members my age (i.e. Chuck Beem) but one person surprised me.

Pastor Bob.

Pastor Bob is in charge of the youth and missions opportunities. We have joked around before (it's hard not to when you have gone to the same church for many years) but he still shocked me.

Twice. In the same night, but to different people, he proclaimed that the Prophet McClain has spoken and has called for Mr. Marie to step forward. I think, he says, Mr. Marie will be found this week. The prophet has spoken. And he just kept talking about it. And talking about it.

I suppose it's funny in that mortifying kind of way.

And then VBS started, but I'm not ready to talk about that. Let's just say that 3 hours with those kids last night wore me out worse than an entire weekend with college students (i.e. Welcome Weekend)!

As I read back through this I realize some of the mortifying-ness is lost in translation. You truly need my facial expressions during to story to see how embarassing it was. So, as you read, imagine my face and my awesome story-telling ability. :-) Sarah, if you want, I can tell it to you again. ;-)

Eye of the storm

2008-05-13T22:28:00.010-05:00

An alarm clock flashes 12:00 like an old broken VCR as thunder crashes down. Window panes vibrate at the violence of the noise. Trees bow and scrape in pain as the wind races from unknown place to unknown place.

Then there is nothing.

A car alarm shatters the sudden stillness. The sudden torrent of rain berates the quiet heart, shaking even the stoutest of boots. Loveys are clutched; lights are turned on; fear invades like a thief in the night.

"Is this it? Is this the end? Will this be the storm to end all storms?" The bravest of brave pace about, anxiously clutching to their own security blankets. Their sanity. Their rationality. Their courage.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

{Psalm 46}

Lazy childhood days

2008-04-23T23:08:00.002-05:00

While today wasn't exactly a lazy day, it definitely made me reminisce. First, I decided to stay home to finish grading New Testament papers and tests which means I got to wake up with the sunshine. That was a BEAUTIFUL feeling! Then I decided that I would do some laundry while grading...although I have to say that I HATE doing laundry. I deal with it because I prefer clean clothes (don't we all) but I would much rather clean the bathroom than do laundry. I know, I know, it sounds like I am getting off-track, but I promise, this fits the childhood theme. I got home (my apartment doesn't have washer/dryer hook-ups - maybe this is why I hate doing laundry...) and realized that not all my clothes were dry. So I got out my little dry rack and hung them outside. I honestly can't remember I dried my clothes outside...I probably haven't done that since my grandparents moved when I was thirteen.

As exciting as sun-dried clothes are, that isn't even the best part.

As I was sitting on my living room floor grading papers I turned on the TV for some background noise. I flipped through the guide fully expecting to find nothing of value on...but lo and behold! Boomerang, that beautiful channel with old cartoons! THE SNORKS WAS ON TV! I loved that show when I was a kid. I even had the Snorks puzzle which made me the cool kid on the block.

To cap the whole day off, I snacked on a No-sugar Added Fudgesicle after I finished all the grading.

What a WONDERFUL DAY!

Ode to Spring...2003

2008-04-05T22:14:00.000-05:00

Sarah, Since you liked my last poem I thought I would post another oldie. This was written in Spring of 2003 during a class break for my Missions and Mercy Night Class. I had a friend (who is now married) that had recently been hurt by mixed signals from a guy. This is my "Ode to Spring".

Ouch! He pulled my hair!
And then he pushed me down the stairs!
In the third grade,
All the valentines made,
Are flushed, because boys have cooties!

A note! By a boy it was wrote!
Passed in front of the teacher, he gloats!
Seventh grade is the best,
Check no or check yes,
Um…can I pick maybe?

The prom! My stomach plummets like a bomb!
Do you think? Will he ask me, Mom?
Senior year is here,
Guys, get yourselves in gear,
What happened to your confidence?

Games! Games are so lame!
Played by the mind, we’re both to blame.
We’re in college dear,
Wait! It’s university here,
Missouri Baptist Bridal Society.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, we’re always in a hurry!
Rush through life, be a wife, all the time we worry!

Wait! Where will we find our mate?
Who am I going to date?
Look to God now,
He planned the who and the how,
In Him I trust.

Marie Tudor 2003

Down memory lane

2008-04-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

As I was cleaning my apartment the other night, I found an old journal of mine. My version of a journal has nothing to do with "Dear Diary, today so-an-so-touched my arm and it made me swoon..." Rather, I LOVE creative writing! So what I do is take things that are going on in my life and fictionalize them. And then I change it to occur the way that I want it to.

My only problem is that I never finish what I start. I get these great ideas and then write a couple of pages (several are 20 pages or longer), hit a snag (both in the fiction and in real life), and quit writing. Then I go on to other stories or even poems. I've even been known to get into "limerick wars" with friends (like Kinsey and Clayton).

As I looked through this old journal from somewhere in 2002 or 03, I ran into a small poem I wrote. I thought I would post it here. Please forgive the punctuation! I would call it artistic license but I think it was just laziness.

My life goes on, a turning page;

I am a creation on this stage.

The world is watching, they stand and stare,

Why am I not moving? Do I not care?

Are they not dying, lost in their sin?

Are they not trying to find answers within?

To themselves they look, turning the inside to out,

"How I feel is reality, it's what this life's all about.

You're way for you and my way for me.

No man can say what right and wrong be."

Inside I rage, "How can they think that?!

I've been where they've been. I've sat where they've sat!

I've felt that gnawing inside -

That need for a guide!"

"Christ is my comforter, Father, and friend.

Through His good Word I know how it ends.

I am a sinner, you are one too,

We're descended from sinners, not come up from the goo.

Only one man can save us from death for this sin,

Only one man can knock, "Let Me come in.

Your burden is heavy. My yoke is light.

Step into My hand and out of the night."

"He is the Savior, I plead and I cry."

Why do they run around, wanting to die?

I stand on this stage, afraid and alone,

Away from the place I once called my home.

I watch and I stare, quiet and free,

While men fall in their prison, but I know the Key.

Cemetery full, mayor tells locals not to die

2008-03-06T17:36:00.000-06:00

Cemetery full, mayor tells locals not to die

BORDEAUX, France (Reuters) - The mayor of a village in southwest France has threatened residents with severe punishment if they die, because there is no room left in the overcrowded cemetery to bury them.
In an ordinance posted in the council offices, Mayor Gerard Lalanne told the 260 residents of the village of Sarpourenx that "all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish."
It added: "Offenders will be severely punished."
The mayor said he was forced to take drastic action after an administrative court in the nearby town of Pau ruled in January that the acquisition of adjoining private land to extend the cemetery would not be justified.
Lalanne, who celebrated his 70th birthday on Wednesday and is standing for election to a seventh term in this month's local elections, said he was sorry that there had not been a positive outcome to the dilemma.
"It may be a laughing matter for some, but not for me," he said.
(Reporting by Claude Canellas, Writing by Andrew Dobbie; editing by Sami Aboudi)

Oh Happy Day!

2008-03-06T17:01:00.000-06:00

Let me just start out by saying that I am not a pet person. I am allergic to most things with fur and I really don't enjoy spending most of my life medicated or sneezing. I am also NOT AT ALL ready to have children and having a pet is very much like having kids. You feed them, you potty-train them, you play with them, etc. You are responsible for a high-maintenance creature that is not yourself. Someday I would like to do that, but not today.

But, I can have fish. Fish are low-key; you don't have to play with them (although teaching them to spin in circles is entertaining), you don't have to potty train them (though sometimes I wish I could), feeding requires a quick shake of a canister - this is the good life!

At my old apartment I had several fish, two of which were red swordtails. Little did I know, in my desire to get one with an actual swordtail and one with out, I got a male and a female fish. They did what all heterosexual fish do and several weeks later I had a VERY pregnant fish. Did you know that both male and female swordtails eat their babies? I found that out after I called the PetSmart hotline (yes, they have a 24-hour hotline). Well, I didn't have anything to seperate out the young, so I (sadly) had to let mom and dad eat the kids.

But that isn't the end of the story! Actually, it really isn't the beginning either, it's kind of backstory for what I was going to say about tomorrow, but I like this story too! :-)

Several weeks later I saw this small blob dart across the fish tank...a baby fish had survived! So, of course I called her Nemo, the Little Fish who Could. It was a happy day. But, Nemo died before I could move to my new apartment.

Yes, I got new fish. They are my companions, my friends, my confidants...er...no. I just like to watch them swim. It's kind of a stress reliever.

Enter Flapjack, Tonto, Thing 1 and Thing 2. F and T are silverdollar fish and T1 and T2 are red fish. I had another, an upsidedown catfish, but he disappeared before I could name him. Maybe I should have called him Houdini! I looked all throughout that tank (and even around it in case he jumped out somehow) but I could never find him. Hmm....maybe he got sucked into the filter. Yuck.

Now, here's the story. Two days ago, I had to unplug the filter for something but I couldn't get it to work again after I plugged it back in. This was saddening, but it was late so I decided to leave it until I had time to research it and fix it (google works wonders). Last night, I was sitting in my chair, reading a text message on my phone when something darted through the fish tank catching my eye. I looked up, and lo and behold, there were 5 fish in the tank! Houdini is back! There he was swimming away as if he had merely been on vacation!

Matthew, Peter, and Saul (to name a few) got new names. Now Houdini does too. I shall call him Lazarus. Or Jesus (Hey-zoos, not Gee-zus). This is a happy day!

Amusement and the Stalker Wall

2008-02-06T18:12:00.000-06:00

Wanna hear a funny story? Too bad. I'm going to tell you anyway.

So, I think it is really funny that at least three-fourths of my previous posts are about marriage because this story is about my "relationship status."

On facebook there is a page I lovingly refer to as the "stalker wall." In reality it is the homepage which shows you what your friends have been up to on their own personal facebook accounts. It is amazing how much the need for gossip has decreased since the advent of the stalker wall. I digress.

Monday night I decided to purge somethings from my personal account. I set this up over two years ago and some things have changed. Some have. Some haven't. But I decided to get rid of them anyway. One thing I purged was my relationship status. Originally it said -

Relationship Status: Single

I decided to make it say -

That's right. Nothing. I took it off. I don't need to announce to the world that I am single. Although, in hindsight, that is exactly what I did.

I forgot about the stalker wall.

Marie is no longer listed as single.

That is what showed up on the facebook homepage of MANY people. And when I say many I am not exaggerating. My inbox filled; my wall filled; people stopped me in the halls; in the cafe; in the bathroom for goodness sake! People talked to my co-workers. WHO'S THE LUCKY GUY? they want to know.

No one.

I am still single. :-) Although, I must say that being unavailable apparently really does make you more attractive. There are several students here who are "pursuing" me...pretending to want to marry me when in reality it is just a fun game. But when they thought I was really dating someone they decided to step up the game. Interesting.

I have decided that someday I am going to write a paper on the use of social networks, such as facebook, as a means to be involved in others lives. I mean people were INVOLVED in my life yesterday.

The moral of the story? Never forget the stalker wall and the power of gossip. :-)

Life as it is

2006-08-27T20:54:00.000-05:00

I really want to get married. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. But, who knows? Honestly, I am trying to be patient, but I don't know if this is patience or just pessimistic resignation to the way things are. Have I stopped trusting that God will do what His will determines? Am I merely pretending to trust while I sit here whispering to myself - "Just get used to being single, you'll never get married"?

I think maybe I am. How do I go back to trusting you, God? How do I leave this pessimistic attitude behind and embrace my life as you have set it before me? How do I wait patiently without giving into that whisper and believe that You have nothing for me?

I know that there is always that possibility that You will call me to be single for the rest of my life. Help me to trust You and know that Your will is perfect and is best for me even if it is not what I desire. If I am indeed meant to be single for the rest of my life, give me a heart that will reflect that. I want to glorify You in all that I do. If I am meant to be single for even a day longer, give me a heart that will glorify You. I have given lip service and have not given You the glory that You deserve.

Change my heart to reflect Your will. I want to want Your will for my life. I want to serve You and glorify You. But, I have forgotten how to. I need Your help for my life.

I believe You, Lord. Help my unbelief.

Humor

2006-08-21T00:52:00.000-05:00

Oh the sense of humor that God has. I mentioned in my last post that I want something specific, but I have to be patient and wait. I am sure that even though I spoke in generalities, anyone reading it would have realized what I was talking about.

I am trying so hard to be patient...

And yet, here comes the parade - raining down the ticker tape, reminding me that I have to be patient. I am not single because God doesn't love me. I am single BECAUSE God loves me and has the best in plan.

My plans are not His. I want to wait for His.

And it doesn't seem like it will be too hard seeing as how all the guys around me are way-too-young undergrads. The undergrad part isn't as annoying as the whole age thing... Some of the freshman class this year were born the year I was in kindergarten and first grade.

Wow. I'm old.

:-)

Tempting

2006-08-12T09:59:00.000-05:00

I am tempted to write what I really feel right now, but I stop myself. Why is that, you ask? I know that no one actually reads this blog - like two people even know that it exists. However, there is still that off-chance that someone will read this...I am not ready for that.

But what are the chances that anyone will read this? Slim to nil. And yet, still I wait.

But I will speak in generalities. I want something specific and yet I am open to the actual specifications. I pray and I wait - but nothing. And, then! I see something that catches my eye - on the surface it seems fine. But there are complications and I can't have it - or even think about wanting it. Why? What am I supposed to be learning here?

What am I supposed to do?

Wait. I wait. Patiently knowing that someday it will happen. Maybe not soon. But someday.

I need the patience that only you can give, Jesus.

Answered Prayer

2006-08-11T08:41:00.000-05:00

So many things have been happening lately that I think are noteworthy, so let's see if I can be brief. This week is RAT week - RA training. We have a great group of students who are excited and passionate and I am blessed to be a part of their training. But, somebody must be praying for me. I am normally one giant stress ball at this point of the year, and now I feel calm - blissful even. I still have my moments of stressfulness (my nature hasn't changed that way), but I feel good.

I have been a Christian for a while now, but I still struggle with walking up to complete strangers and talking about Christ. Isn't it amazing to know that I am not responisble for someone else's salvation! Only God can save! And so, last night we took the RA's to the Ronald McDonald House to serve dinner to the families staying there. If you don't know, the Ronald McDonald House is an inexpensive place of residence for families with children in Children's Hospital (at least the one that we went to is). I was apprehensive because I knew we were going there but I wanted to serve these people by doing more than just making dinner. So I prayed. I praise God for the openings that He gave me! I praise God for working through my stumbling and working through my fear! I was able to talk with two different women - the conversation starters were some of the last things I would have ever thought of. Even as things faltered God still worked. Praise God that we serve a God who is bigger than our thoughts, bigger than our imagination, bigger than you or me! That we serve a God who is sovereign, mighty, powerful, just, holy, compassionate - a peace giver, hope-sustainer, life-maker, Saviour.

It was a beautiful night. And then, when we got to sharing time, what a praise session that became! One after another, the RA's just opened up and shared what God has been doing in their lives! What a glorious time that turned out to be - 13 adults praising God, reading Scripture, loving, learning, and growing together and in Christ!

Pray for:
Rhonda and Anyah - mom and 11 day old baby, health
Canyon McCall - 2 1/2 year old, open heart surgery and complications
unnamed nun - brain surgery, aneurisym, biological sister from Colorado lost luggage and credit cards etc. on flight, church unwilling to support because sister is utilizing her power of authority over nun and not relinquishing it to the church
Amanda - sister with leukemia and complications
My family as they go through a series of health complications - gall stones, broken wrist, heart attack

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him all ye hevenly host. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Jericho

2006-08-06T23:39:00.000-05:00

I wonder what the Israelites felt as they were walking around Jericho. I'm sure that everyone has seen the Veggie Tales dilemma where the Israelites felt foolish to think that walking round the wall will bring the city to its knees. The Jericho-ites even go so far to think they are dehydrated and delusional.

I've never really thought about that part. I've thought about the faith that it would take to walk round a city and believe that God would do as He said. But, God is faithful and powerful so that might not be as hard as we like to think.

Today, I thought about this story in a new way. Now, maybe I am being irrational and me-centered, focusing on the man aspect, but it brought a new truth to my eyes.

Today I decided to walk around Chesterfield Parkway. I was going to just go to the elliptical machine in the fitness center across the street, but when I got outside it felt so good that I decided to go for a walk instead. I had my backpack and a bottle of water so I thought I was set.

But I forgot about the power of the sun. As I set out it was warm, but not hot yet. That was quick to change. As I walked through the shade with my full water bottle my thoughts were selfish and commonplace. But as the sun got higher and the water lower, I started to question my sanity. But, I was strong - or so I thought. I dragged on for a bit more, relying on my own power.

But it wasn't enough. I couldn't make it on my own. And so I prayed for strength to make it home. And I thought about the Israelites walking through the desert around a city. And I thought about Pilgrim, in Pilgrim's Progress. And I thought about my walk - how I selfishly try to make it on my own but can't.

Even while continually praying, knowing that I can't do it on my own, I still selfishly tried to be self-reliant. I stopped praying and walked toward a shortcut. But it wasn't a shortcut - I had my streets backward. So I turned around and went back to the road I was supposed to be on. And I prayed. I was out of water.

I found shade to walk under. My strenght was renewed. My pains were gone. I walked on. Everything I did was with the thought "Home is ahead, only God can get me there."

My home is not here on earth. My home is in heaven with my Father. May this walk today, where I honestly felt that I was going to die, be a reminder to me to look to heaven where my Father is and remember, "Home is ahead, only God can get me there."

Question asked in "profile building"

2006-08-04T09:48:00.000-05:00

While updating my profile, I decided to change my random question. I received this one, that I really liked. "Hurry! the children are waiting. Tell the story about the bald frog with a wig."

I love to tell stories, and so I did. However, upon saving, I realized that my story was 158 words too long!! Sad. So, I changed questions and decided to publish the story here.

One day, as I was walking through the forest, I stepped over what looked like a mossy green rock. To my suprise, it stood up and started talking to me! "I say, good fellow," it began, "would you like to join me for a spot of tea?" "Me?" I asked, confused by the fact that the rock was talking. I mean, I've heard of pet rocks, but this is ridiculous! I bent down and grabbed the rock so that I might see it better, but it wasn't a mossy rock! It was a frog with hair!! Everyone knows that frogs are bald so I decided to stay for tea to find the answer to the mysterious hair.

"Excuse me, sir," I said in my most polite voice, "I don't mean to be rude but I've never seen a frog with hair before. If you don't mind my asking, how did you get hair?" The frog looked furtively around the forest and said, "I don't want anyone else to hear, but if you really want to know, bend your ear down to me and I will whisper it to you." I did as he asked and laid down on the ground.

"It's not real hair," he whispered, "it's a wig!" As I gasped in shock I felt a sharp pain in my ear lobe - the frog had bit me! Frog teeth must contain sedatives, for I fell asleep where I lay!

When I woke up, the sun had set, taking the heat of the day with it. I groggily sat up and looked around me. The frog was nowhere to be seen. However, pinned to my shirt was a tiny piece of paper. It read, "Sorry, old chap. Didn't want to trick you, but I didn't think you'd give your hair willingily. Wigs have become the new fashion for frogs and yours was so long and beautiful - I couldn't resist. But don't worry, at least your's will grow back! Signed, Arminius J. Froggerton, mayor of Frogville."

I slowly reached my hand to my head, hoping that this was all a dream, but it wasn't! All my beautiful long hair had been chopped off by that conniving, treacherous frog!
I slowly trudged out of the forest - sad, cold, and thirsty.

Alright boys and girls, story time is over. Now its time for milk and cookies! Or in my case, scrambled eggs on toast.

Conflict

2006-03-22T15:29:00.000-06:00

Have you ever wanted something to happen so badly and then as soon as you find out that it is going to, you freak out and really don't want it to happen? Have you ever been so frustrated with the satus quo that you vented about it every time you spoke, but then as soon as the status quo was threatened you freaked out and wanted nothing else? even if you were uncomfortable with the status quo and it really really really aggravated you?

I feel like such the "typical girl" and yet I don't. I want this to happen and yet I don't. I have to have "the talk" with one of my friends - I don't really care for the DTR. Define the relationship - I feel like we are about to commit friendship suicide. And yet I know that this will be the best thing for both of us. However now that I know he is going to step up and be a man and initiate this stupid conversation, I don't have to really worry about the fact that I really wanted to start this stupid conversation. I wanted to, incorrectly, be the pusher. It is not in my nature to sit back and be patient. It seems hazardous for my health and yet from Scripture I know that I have to wait. I have to be the female. I am the female. But I really really really like being the aggressive one. Wait. No I don't. I actually enjoy being pursued. What I don't like is having someone else set the pace. Someone else set the schedule. And all that without discussing anything with me.

And so another friend has stepped up to be good to me. He has approached the guy and told him to deal with it and come talk to me. I am happy with my friend for doing that but...now I have to deal with this situation. I can't just keep pretending that nothing is wrong even when everyone else can see that there is. And this is affecting everyone else. Why did he have to be convinced that he needed to come talk to me? Why was he willing to leave everything the way that it is? Is he afraid of changing the status quo? Is he comfortable with the awkwardness? No - he just ignores me. I HATE HATE HATE BEING IGNORED. That makes me want to push the situation even more. That makes me want to search him out and nail this down. I like closure. I like neatness. I like details. I like being in charge.

The funny thing is that he is wrong. He thinks that what is going on is one thing when in reality it is the exact opposite. That isn't his fault and yet it isn't mine. Although I can honestly say that my actions have not changed one jot or tittle since we met. It is he who has changed. He is the awkward one. My actions have not changed even when my feelings did. Sure I had bad days. WE ALL DO. Maybe those days were tied to my emotions, but what can I say? I AM A GIRL. Deal with it.

--

I have become what I hate. Maybe I should say it in a different way - I am what I hate. Why is it that I can give great lip service to what I should be and what it is that I want to be and what I think that everyone else should be and what everyone else should do but when it actually comes to doing those things I am not so excited? I feared that I would do this. They call me wise. I know that I am not wise. They look to me for wisdom. Here's your wisdom - I AM NOT WISE! Don't look to me for these things. I fail. Look to the Scriptures - that is true wisdom! But, they hear me say that and they call me wise. How is that wise? Yes, I know that I am pointing them in the right direction but ANYONE can do that! What are the Sunday School answers? God, Jesus and Bible. Pray and have a quiet time! That is not wisdom, they are cop-out answers. Sure they are the right anwers some times - but where is their depth? Where is their fullness?And yet they still come. They call me wise but I am not wise.

They trust me. They. Trust. Me.

WHY??

I am not worthy of trust. I am not worthy of confidence. I am a sinner who only by the grace of God does what is right . Left on my own, what would I choose? Look at the different "put off" passages in Scripture - that is what I would choose on my own. I put off what I am supposed to put on and put on what I am supposed to put off. I would in no sense choose God if left to myself! Praise God that He does not leave me to myself!

What have I ever done that has proved me worthy of trust? Why would they trust me without proof? I don't want to call them stupid...but I don't get it!

I almost let down my wall and trusted someone more than I have trusted anyone in a long time. Boy, am I glad that I did not! Maybe I am being rash and cynical but...looking at that person now - he doesn't want that, he wants a superficial relationship with tendencies of real.

No. That isn't fair to him. He does want a real relationship - a friendship, but I don't think he knows how to go about achieving it. I don't want superficial relationships. I don't want silly platitudes and "how's the weather?" I don't want what we have. I don't want stupid. We used to talk. I mean TALK. We discussed theology and minsitry and life and....and....and... Now don't get me wrong, our relationship was not entirely serious. We have a our stupid moments. We have little jokes and funny things. Wait. Strike that. We had our stupid moments, we had little jokes and we had funny things. Now we have arguments and pouting and silence. Now we have name calling and stubborness. By no means will I lay that all at his feet, I am just as guilty. BUT I HATE IT. I want my old friend back.

There is so much more that I want to say. But I have to go. My other friends are fighting.

In case you were wondering - I am not in high school. I am in graduate school. Isn't that sad?

Long time no see...

2006-03-19T21:28:00.000-06:00

Sadly, I left my true desire of posting here where things are "prettier" and went to xanga where my friends are...

But that is no longer an issue. I want to be able to write things that my friends don't see. Not that I am embarassed or ashamed of what I have to say, it is just that I want to be able to say things without anyone I know seeing it...

Does that make sense? I guess it really doesn't matter if it makes sense, because no one is going to see this...I haven't written here in over a year so no one knows this exists....

*sigh*

I would write more now, but it is 80 degrees in my office and I am ready to go home...jury duty in the morning...

--me

Propencity for Eccentricity

2005-06-16T15:51:00.000-05:00

This is the part where I am supposed to say something awesome and profound; something that will amaze and astonish everyone who stops by to read my thoughts.

Right. Nice try!

I have had this blogspot for several months and yet I have never written anything. "Why is that," you ask? Well, I too was waitng for that profound moment. I thought that I could never write anything simple and without meaning and actually publish it. I mean, yuck. Who would want to read that?

Finally, I realized that it doesn't matter. I am not writing for a grade. I am writing for me, and I can write whatever I want.

So, here is where we get into the randomness of me. I still don't really know what I want to write, but that's okay. I'll write whatever comes to mind.

Scary thought, isn't it? Me, writing whatever comes to mind...*shudder* No, I promise, it won't be any worse than actually having a conversation with me! *smirk*

If you are reading this, then you already know of my propencity for eccentricity. (In other words, my tendency to be weird, but it sounds so much cooler the other way!) I may sound normal right now (and that is always up for debate), but who knows what tomorrow will bring!

But here is what I think is really fun...I want you to write too!! I want you to show me the eccentricity that I know you have!

And then I want you to answer these questions:
1. In you could have one super power, what would it be?
2. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when "you grew up"?
3. What is your favorite big word?
4. What is your favorite cartoon?
5. Do you know the name of my car?
6. What is your car's name?

And finally, last but not least,

7. In 20 words or less, describe who you are. (Tee hee hee *giggling*)

These may not be "wild and crazy times, but let's have fun anyway!